Devoted And Guaranteed Denture Delivery
What the truck is going on with the world?!?! Denture deliveries ? Truck stop sex?!? Dragging a person down the interstate in Daisy Dukes? We are in the twilight zone. Alas, I will offer some advice to my reader, though. Always liked Jerry Springer’s “thought of the day ” in which he tries to put the trainwreck he created back on the tracks at the very end. I have had other doozies come through the site. Read the one that referred this current one to me by Chip https://meatsheetfanzine.com/chew-some-blood/
Hey man, my friend Chip Marinara tells me that I might be able to come here and get some help? Chip said that you guys at this Meat Sheet Magazine cater to the mentally malnourished, Well listen, here me out, I think I’ve done something and I come to you for help.
I’m a truck driver.
Secondly, you should know I deliver false teeth to various large corporation presidential heads. I drive from point A to point B without any scuffle, zero fanfare.
I’m a low maintenance guy. Just give me a truck and a trailer full of false teeth and I’m on my way.
Last week I stopped off at a truck stop to gather myself, I was a little tired, needed to take a leak, you know, drain the main vein, grab a frozen sandwich and a Yoohoo. While in the men’s room I encountered a Lot Lizard.
A man dressed like a woman in Daisy Duke shorts. He asks me if I’d be interested in a little session, you know, something about getting my vein hoagie moist. Naturally I tell the buzzard to get lost, but he keeps pushing me, asking for loot, begging for a blowy for doughy exchange. I refused.
Look, I’m no saint and I ain’t got no beef with anyone trying to get their hussle on, but I don’t get stiff thinking about a gent in Daisy Dukes, it’s just not my thing.
So hear this. I left the men’s room and this kook follows me, keeps whispering, “blowy for doughy, blowy for doughy, blowy for doughy”. He follows me all the way out to my ride, keeps harassing me, yelling at me.
“I give you dirty sex, you give me dirty dough”, man I’m just not having it.
I hop in my truck, prepare to blow out and this Lot Lizard climbs on the front of my ride. What am I to do, but go about my merry way, so I split, Lot Lizard in tow, hanging off my filthy windshield wipers. I just push the pedal to the metal and bring the rubber to the concrete.
Lotty hangs on, all screaming and yelling. Before I know it, I’m trekking down the highway, trying like hell to rid my ride of this Lotty, but he ain’t going nowhere. I’m wagging my tail, people are phoning and filming me, now I’m in a bad spot. If Lotty falls off and takes a tumble under my ride, he’s dead meat and I’m jailbait, but what choice do I have?
I’ve got 250,000 false teeth that need to be delivered pronto and no Lot Lizard is going to deprive these toothless beasts of their teeth.
So I wag my tail one more time and wouldn’t you know, that dirty Lizard fell off my ride and all I felt was a thump and a bump and I kept going. As they say, ain’t no looking back now.
So Meat Sheet Mag, what do I do? I wrote it out here plain and simple, clear as day. I am doing nothing wrong, I’m a man on a mission and Lizard done screw up my day! Help me.
– Flip Gabbles
Meat’s Thoughts –
Dear Flip. This is a tough one. I am not a lawyer but I say although you are hot pissed to get those teeth delivered on time like Fed Ex, it’s a potential liability. Of course a man in daisy dukes who will not take no for an answer regarding sexual favors is highly suspect. The viral video doesn’t look good for either of you from the law enforcement perspective. If brought up on charges use your cool headed reasoning to plead your case and stay calm. If this “lot lizard ” as you call them is injured I am not sure who is truly at fault. I hope that they are not hurt and your future deliveries go smoothly like a “keep on truckin” mudflap.
Your unwilling advice giver,
John Meat