Talented Tips & The Luke Agward Band – “Blender Twinks” – Demo Review
Funniest email demo review by their own bassist, Luke Agward of Talented Tips. I didn’t know where to put this sidesplitter. We don’t have a hard or digital copy and email to go on. It’s unorthodox situation in which I’d buy these guys all you can eat turkey legs to hear this demo, review will not suffice!
I had fair warning this email was coming. Refer to Luke’s earlier email https://meatsheetfanzine.com/thrilling-talented-secret-tips-and-turkey-legs/
As absurd as all this is, got some good laughs. Consequently so much so I was doubled over and had to make the AC colder. I was red in the face and beginning to sweat. Who wouldn’t want to hear this demo? I’ll see what I can do about getting a copy. You know how some creative geniuses are.
No mention of how to order except “screaming at the finest paved sidewalks” ! If I did drink, I’d buy these fine gentleman a round of mixed drinks. Here’s to you Luke, Skrimps, and Poco. May we get to hear this fine demo cassette one day.
With a healthy mix of jazz, folk, prog rock, post punk and metal, Talented Tips and The Luke Agward Band slay each and every one of us! Coming out of Yuma, Arizona, this brand new demonstration cassette titled “Blender Twinks” releases in August of 2020.
It will tap your vesicles harder than a moose covered in liver spots.
Now let’s take a deep dive into each and every tune on this blasting hunk of thin, wound, brown tape:
Track 1 – “Where aint thy scramble”. This blistering track kicks everything into neutral, wheels spinnin, rollin, dust kickin, just watch your neck! Definitely a strong sense of a mustard spill, with lead vocalist and bazz master, Luke Agward singing a song about flippin’ his scramble and losin’ it to the ceiling.
Never would you imagine so much intensity, urgency and relevance to losin’ your scramble.
Luke sings it with heart, truth and honor. If I had to compare the tune to anything, it’s like the darkest Loggins and Messina track you’ve ever laid your lobes on.
Secondly, Track 2 – “Fraudulent Flatulence” A very introspective track that will rock your panty hose into next Sunday, but also make you question everything about your own reality. Luke asks the deepest of questions.
“Why do we always blast Fraudulent Flatulence, when there is so much legitimate gas to be passed”? I had never even considered this truth, yet now I’m not sure I can see it any other way. Humans have been conditioned to falsify gas leeks, yet with a little pressure and heartfelt consideration, we can bring reality to the forefront… and we must.
This track rages with thought and power all the way through, prog rock gods. YES meets The Fat Boys is the only combination one can muster. Pure genius.
Next, Track 3 – “Flank Sauce on an Oatmeal Pod” A truly terrific track that not only inspires you to get your dancing shoes on.. Also it makes your belly feel real hungry for spices and tastes. Luke knows food like no other and you’ll notice a Talented Tip of a theme from track to track. He’s a small man with a wide whisper, but he floats pet dander right past your nostrils and makes you reach for your oatmeal pod and gobble it into a zillion pieces.
Oh and that flank sauce, soooo spicy and raw.
As a result , sometimes the muscles within your anus will quiver when you rock this track and sing along to every word. URGENCY!!!
Track 4 – “An Eskimo Has Gone Down on the Freeway”. One of those light, airy numbers that encourages you to breath and bait.
Nothing too heavy to ruin your day or smear your mascara. Just a tight number to run your fingers through your pubes to.
As a result, musically it’s got little bits and pieces of Fair Game, a zest for life, dark carnivals with full on road rage and a smile.
Track 5 – “Maggot Infestation in Your Neighbors Lip Sore” We’ve all had that neighbor with a tiny maggot infestation problem. You get a little wound, forget to clean it, lay around in the backyard next to a pile of eel dung. It’s just something that happens. Well Luke has seen it happen too many times and now he’s putting his neighbor on full ROAST.
This is the track where Axe Master, Skrimp Johnson really lays the lumber.
Skrimp’s power and fury is on full display with this little ditty. While Luke sings his truths and shames his neighbor with words like, “Why you so fine, but have lip like swine, rubbin’ my tips all da time, makin’ me shake and flake to the Pantry Pride”. What a track, start to finish. A true masterpiece if I can.
Last and not least, Track 6 – “Blender Twinks” The title track off this beautiful demonstration cassette that ends it all and stains your mind. It starts off with a bongo siesta wake up call by the immensely talented, Poco DeMencia. This intro will instantly curdle your milk of magnesia and leave you poking and prodding at your own values and teeth. No man can soak in the siesta and not feel it deep within their mighty bones. Some feet will start to stomp, some teeth will start to drop.
“Grab your parrot by the toe, let it know, let it know. Show your fine one where to dance, let it prance, let it prance, in to the blender, twinks be known, in to the blender. I’ll nibble your muscles and paint your taint Firebird Blue”.
If those words don’t say it all, I have nothing more to say. In short, this track draws influence from Linda Ronstadt and Sweet Urban Trash with a little Biosleeze greased up and shot up the anus of manhood.
With that, the demonstration cassette comes to a powerful end and so does this inferno of a review. If you would be so kind to order a demonstration cassette, all you need to do is step outside your home. Stand upon your finest paved sidewalk and scream to the nethers that you want it and you need it, send it right here. Talented Tips and The Luke Agward Band – “Blender Twinks” come get me. Within a morsel or stroke of time, we’ll hear you out and deliver our truths to your booths.
We want to hear from you. So use the contact tab in the menu on this site. Is this the Funniest email demo review? Since no one but the brave Tips review their own work, it may be the only.